The inner core issues that sabotage our lives
Every area of life that doesn't work can be traced to a very specific suppressed hurt
This video is from The Mastery of Life Course
The inner core issues that sabotage our lives
Every one of us has a childhood hurt that destroys love and sabotages our lives. Fortunately, this hurt can be found and removed. Here is how the hurt gets created:
When we were young children, we were pure love. We were happy, alive, and free, but we were born into a world that suppresses this state. As a result, we got hurt and we got hurt a lot. We experienced rejection, invalidation, and painful losses of love. As little children, the only way we could explain these painful losses of love was to blame ourselves. "Clearly I'm the problem."
In a moment of deep hurt, we decided that we were worthless, not good enough, not worth loving, a failure, or in some other way, "not okay." It wasn't the truth, but in the eyes of a little child, it became our truth. It was the only explanation that made since at the time. We then took it a step further and fought the very belief that we created. "No one can ever love me if I'm worthless. Worthless is a horrible way to be."
We fought the belief and we fought all the hurt that came with it. From that moment on, the primary, subconscious focus of our lives would be to avoid this hurt. This automatic avoidance creates a core issue that destroys love and sabotages our lives. You may never notice this hurt, but it is certainly there. We feel it every time we get upset.
Fortunately, there is nothing threatening about this hurt. It's just an emotion, but it's an emotion that we will do almost anything to avoid. In fact, this emotion is perceived as a major threat to our survival
“If I really am worthless, why even be alive”? This emotion is considered a threat and the same is true for any circumstance that triggers it. To avoid this threat, we fight, resist, hang on, and withdraw. We destroy love and sabotage our lives.
We put all our focus is on making life be a certain way so we don't have to feel our hurt, but it doesn't work. This narrow focus creates a state of fear, upset, and tunnel vision. It keeps us from seeing what needs to be done and it forces destructive behavior. This creates more hurt.
It's the avoidance that gets us in trouble
This automatic avoidance sabotages us in two ways. First, it destroys our ability to find solutions and to see what needs to be done. This happens because all our subconscious focus is on avoiding the emotion. There is no focus on facts. The answer to a problem could be right beside us, but we won't be able to see it. This avoidance also forces us to act destructively. Since we are threatened, we have to either attack the perceived threat or run from it. This magnifies the problem.
Every area of your life that isn't working and every self-sabotaging behavior can be traced directly to the automatic, subconscious avoidance of this hurt. Finding and healing this hurt is literally one of the most important things you can ever do. The first step in the healing process is to identify it.
Find the hurt
To find the hurt that runs your life, look for the words of “not okay” that hurt the most. Are you worthless, not good enough, not worth loving, or a failure? Were your parents right about you? While you are looking, remember that you are not looking for the truth. You are looking for an emotion. It is physically impossible for you to be worthless, not good enough, or whatever your issue is. These are only judgments. They do not exist in reality. They only exist in our mind.
You can search all over for a good enough, but you will never find one. If you did, what color would it be and how much would it weight? A surgeon cannot go in and pull out a worthless. We spend our lives running from something that doesn't even exist.
So, don't look to see if this is true about you. It's not. Instead, notice how painful it would be if it were true. The more painful this is, the more suppressed emotion you have, and the more it runs your life.
Use the following articles to help find your hurt. Find the words of “not okay” that hurt the most. Look for the emotion.
How to heal the hurt
We relate to this hurt like it's a scary dragon, but the dragon never causes any harm. It doesn't cause any harm because the dragon doesn't exist in reality. It only exists in our mind. All the harm is caused by the things we do to avoid facing the dragon. It’s the destructive behavior that sabotages our lives.
To have a dragon lose power, do the opposite of what gives it power. Instead of fighting it and running from it, own and embrace it. Once you face the dragon, you discover on an experiential, heart level, that the dragon is an illusion and has no teeth. The moment this happens, the dragon loses power and your life will never be the same. Instead of the dragon having power over you, you have power over the dragon.
You also experience a wonderful freedom. You become able to be you, and in this state, life works.
The best way to heal this hurt
The best way to heal this hurt is for me to walk you through the healing process. Since the hurt is something that's been made up, it's something that can be healed. In fact, the healing process is very fast. Most people have a major healing in a couple of sessions. If you want to be free of this destructive hurt, give me a call and schedule a session.
You can also heal this hurt in our weekend workshop Return To The Heart. To learn more about how to find and heal these inner core issues, take The Mastery of Life Course and read the book, Get Your Power Back.
Share this page:
Do you have an area of life that isn't working?
Are you having a difficult time? Do you have a relationship or an area of life that isn't working? Would you like to have this area clear up? You can! The best way to do this is to work directly with Bill Ferguson. You can also attend our weekend workshop, Return To The Heart, and take The Mastery of Life Course.
You can create a great life, but you have to know how. Our free e-course shows you the basic steps. As you work with the lessons, you change your life.