Transforming the Quality of Life
The purpose of my work
In one of our programs, we do an acknowledgement exercise where participants create a cycle of loving, supporting, and empowering each other. The result is a very profound state of oneness. People experience a connection with each other and with life that is beyond words. Upsets and problems disappear. All that exists is a deep state of love, freedom, and inner peace.
Then we look at the nature of this state. People discover that, in this state, the circumstances of life have no power. Fear and upset cannot exist. Judgment disappears and the past has no relevance. Even the ego and the concept "me" disappear. All that exists is love.
When you are in this state, you are living in the light. You are also experiencing the very essence of who you are. You are happy, alive, and free. You are positive, confident, and very effective. You flow with life and great things happen around you. This is the realm of love, joy, peace, happiness, and miracles. Ultimately, this is the natural state.
The opposite state is one of separateness. When we are in this state, love is irrelevant. The only thing that matters is our circumstances. We are totally convinced that happiness and upsets come from outside of ourselves. We then go through life trying to force people and life to be a certain way. We fight, resist, hang on, and withdraw.
We think that this will somehow bring us the happiness we seek, but it doesn't. It does the opposite. Instead of bringing happiness, it brings fear, upset, and suffering. It destroys love and sabotages our lives. When we are in this state, we are living in the darkness.
The light and the darkness are both very real, but we have a choice as to which realm we live in. Unfortunately, our whole world lives in the darkness: the realm of circumstances. Fortunately, the realm of circumstances is an illusion. The circumstances of life don't have the power we think they do.
One way to see the illusion of life is to look at the nature of upsets. When we get upset, it looks like the upset is caused by what happened, but this is never the case. Upsets are not caused by what happens. An upset is a state of mind and can only exist if we fight what happens.
To see this in your life, find a time when you were upset. Then notice what would happen to the upset if you were at peace with what happened. The upset would disappear. It would disappear because the upset wasn't caused by what happened. It was caused by fighting what happened. No circumstance has the power to create an upset. Only we can do that.
We go through life fighting our circumstances, but what we really fight is the truth. At any moment, the people in our lives are the way they are. We are the way we are and our lives are the way they are. Everything can change tomorrow, but at any moment, what's so is always what's so.
When you are at peace with the truth of the way something is, you are very effective. You see your situation clearly and can take action based on facts instead of emotion. Look at the areas of your life that work great. These are areas where you can flow with whatever happens.
Now look at the areas of your life that don't work. These are areas where you can't flow. We can't flow in these areas because subconsciously, we feel threatened. To avoid this perceived threat, we fight, resist, hang on, and withdraw. Instead of looking for solutions based on facts, the focus is on resisting. Instead of discovering what needs to be done, we act out of the emotion and make our situation worse.
When we fight the truth, we destroy our ability to see the truth. When we can't see the truth, we can't see what needs to be done. Handling a situation without seeing the truth is like trying to open a door when you can't see that it's locked. You may spend a lot of energy trying to force the door open, but you won't be very effective.
The moment you let go of the resisting and surrender to the truth, you restore your ability to see clearly. You may not like what you see, but at least you can see it. You can then put your focus on what needs to be done based on facts instead of emotion. Instead of resisting, you focus on solutions. Instead of trying to force open a locked door, you can put your focus on finding a key.
Every relationship and every area of life that isn't working is an area where we are fighting the truth. So why do we fight the truth? We fight the truth because the truth hurts. It strikes a nerve. Here is how these nerves work:
When we were young, we were happy, alive, and free, but we were born into a world that suppresses this state. In the process of growing up, we got hurt and got hurt a lot. As a little child, the only way we can explain these painful losses of love was to blame ourselves.
In the moment of deep hurt, we created the belief that we were worthless, not good enough, unlovable, a failure, or in some other way, not okay. It's not the truth, but in the eyes of a little child, it became our truth. It's the only explanation that made since at the time. We then spent the rest of our lives running from this hurt.
We run from the belief that we are this way and we run from all the hurt associated with it. We'll do almost anything to avoid this hurt and prove it isn't true. "Worthless is a horrible way to be. No one can ever love me if I'm worthless."
This automatic avoidance creates a mechanism, or core issue, that forces destructive behavior and creates tremendous suffering.
Whenever a circumstance triggers this hurt, we feel threatened. Instantly, we become full of fear and upset. We lose our ability to see clearly. We fight, resist, hang on, and withdraw. We destroy love and sabotage our lives. Any relationship and any area of life that isn't working can be traced directly to this hurt.
Fortunately, this is a hurt that can be healed. As this happens, you restore your ability to see clearly and become more able to flow with life. Solutions appear and the problem areas start clearing up. Your walls of protection come down and you bring forth the love that is the essence of who you are.
You can heal a major part of this hurt quickly and more important than that, you can get power over it. This allows you to determine what happens in your life instead of your hurt.
Our effectiveness, happiness, and the quality of our lives seem to be the result of our what happens around us, but they're not. They are the result of how we relate to what happens. When you change how you relate to life, you change both the quality of your life and what happens around you.
It is possible to be happy, alive, and free most of the time. Relationships can heal, problem areas can clear up, and you can create a great life, but this won't happen by itself. There are concepts to learn, issues to heal, and action to take.
Fortunately, the process of transforming your life is relatively easy, but you have to know how. We can walk you through the steps.
This is the purpose of our work.
Bill's work has been called the penicillin of psychology. He has been featured on Oprah and recommended by The Wall Street Journal. The Texas Counselling Association was so impressed with his work, they had him deliver the keynote address at their annual conference.
As a former divorce attorney, he was nationally known for his ability to take the conflict out of divorce. 15% of his clients healed their relationship and stayed together. The ones who divorced were able to part as friends.
Bill Ferguson is the author of three books including the national bestseller, How to Heal a Painful Relationship. He has led over 2,500 workshops and worked with people around the world. He speaks a profound yet simple truth that can change your life.
Are you having a difficult time? Do you have a painful relationship? Do you feel stuck or depressed? Does the past keep repeating itself? Would you like to have these areas clear up? You can!
The best way to do this is to schedule a session with Bill Ferguson or get The Mastery Course.
You can also get our free e-course and our weekly Tips for Living.
You will be glad you did.