The nature of upsets
When we get upset, it looks like the upset is caused by what happened, but this is an illusion. Upsets are not caused by what happened, they are caused by fighting what happened. To see this in your life, find a recent upset. Then notice what would happen to the upset if somehow, you were at peace with what happened. The upset would disappear.
The upset would disappear because it is not caused by what happened. It is caused by fighting what happened. The moment you stop fighting what happened, the upset can no longer exist. You restore both your inner peace and your effectiveness.
Now notice how irrelevant your feelings are. No matter how much you hate what happened, it still happened. Our feelings are totally irrelevant. They don’t change the facts. What happened still happened.
We avoid the feelings
On the surface, we fight happened, but at a deeper level, we don’t fight what happened. We fight all the feelings and emotion that get triggered by what happened. It’s the automatic avoidance of these feelings that gets us in trouble.
Subconsciously, these feelings are perceived as a threat. The same is true for any circumstance that triggers them. To avoid this perceived threat, we fight, resist, hang on, and withdraw. We destroy love and sabotage our lives. The automatic avoidance of this suppressed emotion also destroys our ability to find solutions.
The moment this hurt gets triggered, we become full of fear and upset. This destroys our ability to see clearly, and since we feel threatened, we are forced to act destructively. Every relationship and every area of life that isn’t working is an area where this hurt is being triggered.
The ability to release an upset and restore your peace of mind is one of the most important skills you can ever learn. It’s the key to being effective in life.
The first step
The first step in restoring your inner peace is to separate the circumstances from the emotion. To do this, notice that they are in two different locations. The circumstances are outside of you. The emotion is inside. They are never connected in reality. They are only connected in our mind. The moment you notice that the emotion and the circumstances are separate, your circumstances lose power.
The next step is to get the emotion out of you. One way to see how to do this is to look at little children. Little children are masters at releasing emotion. When they get upset, they cry and cry. Then, when they finish crying, the emotion is gone. They are able to release their emotion because they do something that we don’t notice. They feel their hurt willingly. This allows the hurt to come, run its course, and go.
There are two different ways to feel our hurt. We can feel it willingly like a child or unwillingly. When we feel it willingly, it comes and goes. When we feel it unwillingly, it turns into pain and stays.
More specifically, you can either feel your hurt as a victim of your circumstances or you can feel it deliberately and purposefully. When you feel your hurt “as a victim”, you can cry hours a day for months and have little or no healing. If you take the same hurt and feel it deliberately, because you choose to, you can have a major healing in minutes.
To tell whether you are feeling the hurt “as a victim” or deliberately, notice the direction of your focus. If your focus is what happened, you are feeling your hurt “as a victim.” If your focus is on the emotion and getting it out of you, your are feeling it deliberately.
The next step
The next step in restoring your inner peace is to dive into the hurt and get it out of you. Feel the hurt of what happened and the deeper hurt of feeling not good enough, not worth loving, worthless, or whatever your core issue is. Feel it deliberately and purposefully. Let it come and let it go.
To have the hurt go quickly, exaggerate it. When you exaggerate the hurt, you vaporize it. Remember, the emotion is just a body sensation. There is nothing threating about it. But when you fight it, you give it enormous power. When you feel it willingly like a child, deliberately, and purposefully, you take away its power. So dive into the hurt and get it out of you.
Once you discover your ability to restore your inner peace quickly, you will have a powerful tool that you can use for the rest or your life. Keep working with your upsets and develop your ability to restore your peace fast. If you want additional support, give me a call or schedule a free 30 minute session.
For most of this last year, I have been creating a new website, e-course, and blog. I also created a new Mastery Course that walks people through the process of transforming their lives. I’ve put a lot of heart and soul into this. Hope you like it. Check it out at www.masteryoflife.com
You can create a great life
It is possible to create a life more wonderful than you can imagine, but you have to know how. There are concepts to learn, issues to heal, and action to take. I can walk you through the steps. Give me a call. We can talk about your situation and create an action plan. I look forward to hearing from you.