The inner issues that destroy love and sabotage our lives

Every one of us has a childhood hurt that destroys love and sabotages our lives. Fortunately, this hurt can be found and removed. Here is how this hurt gets created:

When we were young children, we were pure love. We were happy, alive, and free, but we were born into a world that suppresses this state. As a result, we got hurt and we got hurt a lot. We experienced rejection, invalidation, and painful losses of love. As little children, the only way we could explain these painful losses of love was to blame ourselves. “Clearly I’m the problem.”

In a moment of deep hurt, we decided that we were worthless, not good enough, not worth loving, a failure, or in some other way, “not okay.” It wasn’t the truth, but in the eyes of a little child, it became our truth. It was the only explanation that made since at the time.

We then took it a step further and fought the very belief that we created. “No one can ever love me if I’m worthless. Worthless is a horrible way to be.” We fought the belief and we fought all the hurt that came with it.

We run from an illusion

From that moment on, the primary, subconscious focus of our lives will be to avoid this hurt. This automatic avoidance creates a core issue that destroys love and sabotages our lives. We may never notice this hurt, but it is certainly there. We feel it every time we get upset.

Fortunately, there is nothing threatening about this hurt. It’s just an emotion, but it’s an emotion that we will do almost anything to avoid feeling. In fact, this emotion is perceived as a major threat to our survival.

“If I really am worthless, why even be alive”? The emotion is considered a threat and the same is true for any circumstance that triggers it. To avoid this threat, we fight, resist, hang on, and withdraw. We destroy love and sabotage our lives.

We put all our focus is on making life be a certain way so we don’t have to feel our hurt, but it doesn’t work. This narrow focus creates a state of fear, upset, and tunnel vision. It keeps us from seeing what needs to be done and it forces destructive behavior. This creates more hurt.

It’s the avoidance that gets us in trouble

This automatic avoidance sabotages us in two ways. First, it destroys our ability to find solutions and to see what needs to be done. This happens because all our subconscious focus is on avoiding the emotion. There is no focus on facts. The answer to a problem could be right beside us, but we won’t be able to see it. This avoidance also forces us to act destructively. Since we are threatened, we have to either attack the perceived threat or run from it. This magnifies the problem.

Every area of your life that isn’t working and every self-sabotaging behavior can be traced directly to the automatic, subconscious avoidance of this hurt. Finding and healing this hurt is literally one of the most important things you can ever do. The first step in the healing process is to identify it.

Find the hurt

To find the hurt that runs your life, look for the words of “not okay” that hurt the most. Are you worthless, not good enough, not worth loving, or a failure? Were your parents right about you?

While you are looking, remember that you are not looking for the truth. You are looking for an emotion. It is physically impossible for you to be worthless, not good enough, or whatever your issue is. These are only judgments. They do not exist in reality. They only exist in our mind.

So, don’t look to see if this is true about you. It’s not. Instead, notice how painful it would be if it were true. The more painful this is, the more it runs your life.

To learn more about how to find and heal this hurt, go to

The best way to heal this hurt is to let me walk you through the healing process. Most people have a major healing in one or two sessions. You can also take the Mastering Life Course and read the book, Get Your Power Back.



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