Upsets seem to be caused by what happens, but this is an illusion that creates tremendous suffering. Upsets are not caused by what happens. Upsets are a state of mind and can only exist if we fight what happens.
To see this in your life, find time when you were upset. Then notice that something happened and it happened whether you liked it or not. Now notice what would happen to the upset if somehow, you were at peace with what happened. The upset would disappear. It would disappear because upsets can only exist if we fight what happens.
So why do we fight what happens? We fight what happens because our circumstances hurt. They trigger all sorts of emotion that we don’t want to feel. It’s the automatic, subconscious avoidance of this emotion that creates our upsets and sabotages our lives. It destroys our ability to see clearly and forces destructive behavior.
Learning how find and release this emotion is incredibly important. Fortunately, this is possible. You can release the emotion and you can release it fast. The moment this happens, the upset disappears. You restore both your inner peace and your ability to see clearly. You then become very effective.
Look for the emotion
The first step in restoring inner peace is to notice that you are having an upset. This is important because noticing that you are having an upset allows you shift from being a victim of your circumstances to being an observer. This awareness is the first step to getting your power back.
The next step is to separate your circumstances from the emotion. To do this, notice their different locations. The circumstances are outside of you. The emotion is inside. They are not connected in reality, only in our mind. When you shift the focus from your circumstances to the emotion, your circumstances lose power.
Release the emotion
Once you see the emotion, the next step is to release it. A good way to see how to do this is to look at little children. Little children are masters at releasing emotion. When they get hurt, they cry and cry. Then, when they are finished, the hurt is gone. They release their hurt by doing something that we don’t notice. They feel it willingly. This is the key to releasing emotion.
There are two different ways to feel our hurt. We can either feel it willingly or unwillingly. When we feel it unwillingly, as a victim of our circumstances, the hurt turns into pain and stays. When we feel it willingly like a child, deliberately and purposefully, the hurt comes and goes.
To see an example of this in your life, find a time when you were hurt and you cried and cried. Then, when you cried your last tear, the hurt was gone. This will be a time when you felt your hurt willingly. So dive into your hurt and feel it deliberately and purposefully. Feel it willingly like a child. Feel it because you choose to. Reach in, grab it, and pull it out.
If you want to have the hurt go quickly, exaggerate it. When you exaggerate the hurt, you vaporize it. You vaporize it because exaggerating the hurt is the direct opposite of avoiding it. It’s the avoidance that gives it power.
A great example
Here is a great example of releasing hurt. Years ago I got a phone call saying that my mother had died. I was very close to my mother, so when I heard the news, I had an explosion of emotion. Fortunately, I knew that suppressing the hurt would cause lots of pain. So I decided to feel it willingly like a child.
I fell to the floor and sobbed and sobbed. No one was around, so I could really get into it. I let the hurt take over. Then there was a moment when the hurt lifted and I felt a wonderful freedom. The hurt was gone. I still miss my mother, but there is no pain.
Here is another exercise you can use to restore inner peace. Think of a time when you were upset. Then go back in time and put yourself in the upset. When you are in the upset, look inside and notice that you are having certain physical body sensations. There will be a tightness in your upper body and other sensations.
Notice what these body sensations are and where they are located. Be specific. Then let them be there. Feel them willingly and relax into them. As you do this, notice what happens. The sensations get smaller and smaller. Then they disappear. When the sensations are gone, notice what happens to the upset. It is gone too.
Diving into the hurt is the best way to release emotion, but relaxing into the body sensations is also very effective. Work with both of these tools and develop your ability to restore your inner peace fast. Once you develop this skill, you will be able to use it for the rest of your life.
It is possible to be happy, alive, and free most of the time. Relationships can heal, problem areas can clear up, and you can create a great life, but this won’t happen by itself. There are concepts to learn, issues to heal, and action to take. Fortunately, the process of transforming your life is relatively easy, but you have to know how. I can walk you through the steps.