Welcome to the
Mastery of Life Blog

See the latest posts from Bill Ferguson

Be willing for the other person to never change


The biggest killer of relationships is not being at peace with the way someone is.

Let’s say that you and I have a relationship. If I can’t be at peace with the way you are, I will radiate non-acceptance with every breath. No matter what words I use, I am going to communicate, “You are not okay the way you are.” You will then get the message loud and clear. You will feel hurt, put up your walls of protection, and automatically give it back to me.

Then I will get more upset at you and you will get more upset at me. Without knowing, we will create a cycle of conflict, a cycle of hurting, attacking, and withdrawing from each other. This is what happens when you can’t be at peace with way someone is. You are guaranteed to destroy love and sabotage your relationship.

Unfortunately, some people are very difficult to accept. Fortunately, acceptance is nothing more than being at peace with the truth. People are the way they are whether we like it or not.

Fighting the truth of the way someone is like demanding that the zebra grow spots or that the sun doesn’t set. Our feelings and demands are totally irrelevant. The truth is still the truth. That person has his or her internal programing and is the way he or she is.


Surrender to the truth

If you could surrender to the truth of the way the person is, you would restore your inner peace. You can then make decisions and take action based on facts instead of emotion. Maybe the person isn’t for you. Maybe you need to move on. Maybe you need to keep your relationship and work on restoring the love.

If you want to keep your relationship, you need to create an environment of love. You need to make sure the person feels loved, accepted, and appreciated just the way the person is.

This starts by making a choice. It is choosing to accept the person. It is an act of granting permission. It’s saying, “I give you full permission to be the way you are and to be that way forever.” You don’t have to like it, just give permission.

This is a choice you may have to make over and over, but it is important because if you can’t be at peace with the way the other person is, your relationship won’t have a chance. To make this choice a little easier, remember that it is nothing more than surrendering to the truth.


You can create a great life

It is possible to be happy, alive, and free most of the time. Relationships can heal, problem areas can clear up, and you can create a great life, but this won’t happen by itself. There are concepts to learn, issues to heal, and action to take. Fortunately, the process of transforming your life is relatively easy, but you have to know how. I can walk you through the steps.


Leave a Reply